When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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