I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
