where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
