I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
