I'm drive I can fine osifer
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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