Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
