please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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