Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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