forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
