I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
