he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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