Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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