dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize