somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
