I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
