piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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