i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
