I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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