So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My dick has a subreddit
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
