You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize