At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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