Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
