sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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