By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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