so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
