You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i now understand why vodka
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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