y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
