3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
