she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
