Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
