and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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