Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
