You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
