I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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