You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
