Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
