R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
