just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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