I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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