I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Help me help you realize you are a moron
A+ Viking dick
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