wrigley field is MILF paradise
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
