He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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