So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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