Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
