He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
