this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
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Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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