Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
