don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
