you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize