He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to make out with him forever
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
