I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
