I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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