What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
