The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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