If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
