When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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