No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
