I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize