so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
that may or may not have been my penis.
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