just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
