Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
