It's like God shit irony all over that family
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize