then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
