Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
