Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
