Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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