Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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