Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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