You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
