I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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