Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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