my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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