her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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