I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
