remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
