Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
