it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
