So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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