Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who wears a wallet chain?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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