my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
