i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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