Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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