if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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