I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
