the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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