I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wear drunk well.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
