I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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