Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
