I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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