I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
