What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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