All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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