i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
