Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
